Oh Gawd
by MonkeysUncle
Summary: I did all of these while bored in my class. Lots of comical dying, bagels, naked Christians Cage and otehr random stuff. Includes both TNA and WWE superstars.
1. Bagels

One day, Jade went to the grocery store to buy some bagels. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her ex, Christian Cage. It was a very bitter breakup. She had cheated on him with his best friend, Chris Jericho. Christian's hands were on the pumpernickel bagels, the same kind that Jade wanted. Christian offered her a bag, knowing what she likes, when their hands touched. They gazed into each other's eyes before Christian noticed that he was naked. He sighed and stated not again before kissing Jade roughly. A shrill yell of Christian's name made Jade want to die. She looked and she saw Kurt Angle with his hands on his hips and a shocked expression on his face. Christian was sad and Kurt forgave him and the two left...leaving Jade... with her bagels.


	2. Cheating

AN. I forgot to put one of these explaining myself for this fic. We were extremely bored in class one day so my friend and I started to write a whole bunch of short little fics. Kinda stupid, but they entertained us.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the TNA or WWE superstars mention...If I did, Randy Orton would be in a cage dressed only in his skimpys. :D

Just to let you guys know...Alyssa is moi and Jade is my best friend.  Tehe.

Randy Orton is in love with Jade and hates Alyssa because he wants her so much but he hates Jade and is only with her because she's suicidal and Alyssa is with Chris Jericho. However, as of 4 days ago, Jade and Randy are having a baby and now he realizes who is better for him.

Goodbye Alyssa, hello Orton Jr. (baby). But two days later, Randy found out that Jade slept with the monster Abyss and the baby could be his!

Randy turns to Alyssa for help and gives him advice on what he should do. Yesterday, he decided to leave her...for John Cena.

And now, as of today, Abyss left Jade for Jericho because they were having an affair this whole time. So, Alyssa and Jade were back to where they started.


	3. Gherkins and Kumquats

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the wrestlers's mentioned )

I could own Jade...but she would be angry with me.

AJ Styles was walking down to the area when he saw Jade. He began to grow nervous because he wanted to talk to her.

"Hey AJ," said Jade. AJ began to s-s-s-stutter.

"H-h-hello," AJ replied.

They were suddenly interrupted when a naked Christian Cage flew by, followed by Tomko, causing AJ to knock Jade over with the two of them tumbling to the ground.

"WOAH!" They both said. Jade looked up into AJ's eyes and smiled.

"It's okay."

Just then, Christian flew by again stating "Woooooooooo!" he then stopped, looked at Jade and said "Sorry Hun," and gave her a quick kiss.

"NOOOOO!" Tomko yelled."Your kisses are for me only!" Tomko then exploded and Christian ran away laughing.

Jade turned back to AJ. "I didn't want Cage to kiss me...I wanted...umm...never mind!"

"No. What?" AJ grabbed her arm and Jade smiled.

"It's kind of embarrassing."

"It couldn't be something stupid like you liking gherkins or kumquats." Jade flushed deeply.

"Well, actually I wanted a kiss from...from ... you!" She stated fast and quickly looked away.

To be continued...


	4. Water Park

I do not own any superstars mentioned

I do not own any superstars mentioned.

It's Jade's birthday today!! Happy Birthday! I hope she likes me posting this!

Once again…and of course…this does no make sense…

--

One fun day, Alyssa and Jade were at the water park when Jade saw something weird. A blur flew by her face…and it looked naked. Of course, it was Christian Cage, but he had bagels around his wrists. "It's too bad I am in love with Batista or else I would go out with him!" exclaimed Alyssa. John Morrison, HBK and AJ Styles all walked by. "When did you get a dog, Alyssa?" All of them said indicating to Jade. "We're kidding." They all laughed. "So I hear you and Batista have your 6th baby, Alyssa!" said John Morrison. "7th," corrected Alyssa. "But Triple H came over to our house and killed them and now because of psychological reasons, I plan no murdering Dave." Luckily for Batista, he divorced Alyssa and married Randy Orton instead. Alyssa was desperate and started sleeping with John Morrison-Jade's husband. And fortunate for Jade, John just got hit by a bus so now she has all the money from the marriage. But unlucky for Jade, HBK planted a bomb inside her and she died because it exploded inside her. Alyssa died too as they were together that day. As a result, Alyssa and Jade haunted HBK for the next three years of his life before being pelted to death with oranges killed him.

--

Review! Any suggestions for our next one??


	5. Keep on Truckin'

Jade what walking down the street when she saw Randy Orton tied to a fire hydrant. He had blue eye shadow on and his shirt had Christian Cage on it.

"Where did you find that shirt? He's naked on it!"

Randy only stared at Jade and then started wailing. Jade cut Randy down and she felt his tears drip on her shoulder.

"Don't cry." Jade said.

Just then, Christian Cage walked up to them and started dancing…naked. Before they knew it, they all got hit by a bus.

"Now, I've finally got revenge." An unidentified man said as he began to chuckle evilly. Out of the shadows stepped Awesome Kong and Undertaker. They chuckled and then it went silent. All of a sudden they hear a beep.

They exploded.


	6. On the Street

One day, Alyssa was walking down Brant street when she was tapped on the shoulder.

She turned around and screamed as she saw the Undertaker, his face somewhat melting off, forming a puddle on the ground.  
Alyssa blinked a few more times only to realize someone was standing behind Undertaker. Before she could see his face, Undertaker leaned forward and whispered "Matt...Hardy" and then lied down to die. "He did this to you??!?" Alyssa almost screeched Alyssa reached out, grabbing the Hardy and began to kiss him. "Thank goodness you've killed him! He's been stalking me for months!" They shared another passionate kiss, before Christian came up to them. Naked. "Can I join?" he asked smoothly. He cocked one eyebrow to one side and then Matt grabbed Christian and the two of them had an even more passionate kiss then Alyssa expected. Matt took a breath and looked at Alyssa. "I was hoping that would happen. I wanted to make Christian jealous. Sorry Alyssa. I'm gay"  
Alyssa surprised the two men by saying that she was fine with them making out, as long as she could watch. The boys agree and the three of them went off together only to be stopped by a screaming Vickie, who was in her favourite wheelchair.  
"What have you done?!?!?" She began crying over Undertaker's rotting body. "I loved him," she whispered. Christian started laughing and then saw Matt giving him a look. "Oh," he said, "You're serious? bad." he started walking away, pulling matt along with him. Alyssa knelt down beside Vickie. "I am so sorry for your loss," she said and then grabbed Vickie's chin and turned her face toward hers. Vickie then began kissing Alyssa.  
Alyssa pulled back spitting. "I must have been hypnotized for a couple seconds, or gone insane!" Vickie began crying again, loud whailingness, and Alyssa couldn't take it anymore. So she grabbed Vickie's wheelchair handles and pushed her into the street, where three semis in a row hit her. Alyssa wiped her hands in accomplishment before running after Christian and Matt yelling at them to wait up. THE END!  
That's what Alyssa thought until Vickie's spirit rose from her wheelchair and then suffocated Alyssa in another kiss- killing her. Now Vickie is satisfied. They will be together forever. NOW THE END. FINALLY.


End file.
